Daily Reckless 2019, by Various Artists (2024)

1.

Hi, my name is Mark Francois, (you're hard, you're hard)Behold my genitalia (my genitalia)My name sounds like it is French (Francois, Francois)But it's not, I am hench A sweaty bulldog in a suitHalf man, half beetrootI am smug and in rude wealth, I like staring at Will SelfI am in the ERG, And I was in the army (at weekends)Now I fight for the Brexit cause, And tell Phil Hammond 'Up yours!'I've got Jacob Rees Mogg's back, We should've been on Crackerjack (Crackerjack!)Some say I look like Peter Glaze (Crackerjack!)Try telling that to the kids these daysI like driving people madI think I'm hard, but I'm just sadHi, my name is Mark FrancoisYuk yuk yuk fnaar fnaarI'm as hard as nails I amHard as nails I am I am

2.

Soubry - gimme gimme WollastonAllen - o.k. showdownBerger - funny tinge SmithCoffey - o.k. showdownShuker - gimme gimme RyanLeslie - and Gapes showdown*ShowdownTake them awayThey're as big as a ranch.Take them awayThey're as tough as they come. Ch - ch- ch- Chuka Vision, Chuka, Chuka visionChuka UmunnaHe stands so highIt's enough to make any Lib Dem cry.He knows what's right and he knows the tories are with himCos he is right - Big Chuka. Ch - ch- ChukaChuka and Anna - making whoopee with their squad.But their principles keep a-gettin' in the wayIt's making life awkward.So she says to him - Jeremy Corbyn Is getting right between us.Now listen honeyThat is true I agree with you my sweetness.Now Umunna if that's a fact Then how d'you propose we do our act?If that's the way it's gonna be We'll have to form a new party.Now listen Anna, stop your squawkin'Big Bad Chuka's doin' the talking.I know a trick we ought to try Turn right over - you'll know why.He stands so highIt's enough to make any red skin cryHe knows what's right and he knows the tories are with himCos he is right - Big Chuka. Ch - ch- ChukaTake me away - Chuka Umunna is Big CleggyTake me away - Chuka Umunna is Big CleggyTake me away - Chuka Umunna is TIG heady

3.

I am failingI'm Chris GraylingI am hailingA taxiI'm e-mailingMichael PalinTo make a non travel documentaryI am bailingOn the sailingCos there's no ships for this ferryI'm downscalingInterrailingTo a bus connection serviceConstantlyCan you hear me, can you hear me (yes, unfortunately)Through the dark clouds, far away, I am dying, forever crying, (true)To be with you, who can sayI'm the transport secretaryI am trying, very tryingTwo billion plus, I've pissed away

4.

Everybody's beenTo Notre Dame cathedralUnless you're AmericanThen it's Noader Daim cathedralWan c*nt went to No Noader Daim cathedralWan c*nt and his dugNoader Daim cathedralTwo c*nts went to No Noader Daim cathedralTwo c*nts, wan c*nt and his dugNoader Daim cathedralWhen it all burnt downThey went on InstagramTo post the photies of themselves all standingOutside Notre DameTurning tragedyInto "Look at me, girl!"This is how we mourn these daysNoader Daim cathedralAw c*nt went to NoNoader Daim cathedralOor c*nt, your c*nt, that c*nt ower there, awbody's c*ntNoader Daim cathedralNo, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no ,no ,no, no Noader Daim Oi!

5.

It's getting late have you seen my matesMarr would have a field dayIt's one o'clock and I want to rockCause a considerable affrayThe chamber's drunker than a barrel full of monkeysAnd Black Rod she's fizzingShe looks cute in her pageboy suitAnd her sparkly mace and blingBercow's had enough of the aggravationHe's had it with the disciplineMonday night's alright for a considerable affrayGet a little action inGet a barrel of gunpowder on the goGonna set this house alightMay as well go out with a bang and a fightMonday night's alright alright alrightWell they're packed pretty tight in here tonightI'm sick of being speaker, I just wanna have a fightI may use a little muscle, start a nasty rumourI may sink a little drink and shout out "Order!"One of the sounds that I really likeIs the sound of my voice on the Commons micI'm a juvenile product of the middle classAn old school Tory with a broken glass I've had enough of the aggravationI've had it with the disciplineMonday night's alright for a considerable affrayGet a little action inGet a barrel of gunpowder on the goGonna set this house alightThere's been a considerable affrayAnd I don't give a sh*te, alright, alrightConsiderable, siderable, siderableSiderable, siderable, siderableSiderable, siderableConsiderable affray

6.

Well, shake it up, baby, now (Shake it up, baby)Splash the fash (splash the fash)C'mon c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, baby, now (Come on baby)Come on take out the trash (take out the trash)Well, every time you meet Tommy (every time)Make sure you got a milk shake (get a milk shake)Let's make it happen for Tommy(let's make it happen)Get him right in the face (right in the face)Well, shake it, shake it, shake it, baby, now (Shake it up baby)Well, shake it, shake it, shake it, baby, now (Shake it up baby)Well, shake it, shake it, shake it, baby, now (Shake it up baby)Well, shake it, shake it, shake it, baby, now (Shake it up baby)

7.

I'm Hanco*ck, I contemplate The value of our precious union stateI look off into the middle distance I know better than any of you c*nts Every time you say Hanco*ck It reminds you of a wank sock I know this, but I know I'm hot Excuse me while I pose in this fishing portI'm Matt, I'm at the barber In Fraserburgh harbour,My hair is cut and now I'mStaring thoughtfully at yaI can do 'look wistful in fog' Like a model in Freeman's catalogue I am moody, moody and mean My coat is the most shabby chic that you've ever seen I'm Matt, I'm at the barberIn Fraserburgh harbour,I know it's north of ScarboroughIs it near Skye and Lochaber?

8.

Ooh ooh ooh Liz TrussPut this on the side of a busPork markets are usSay cheeeeeeeeeeeeeese...The minute we saw your faceWhen you said that is a disgraceWe fell about all over the placeComedy genius

9.

Starry starry eyedPaint your palette blue and grayWash those liberal tears awayFrom eyes that know the darkness in your soulFurther your careerInvite more tories in, don't hearJust how out of touch you appearAnd air your ignorance in public viewI don't understandWhat you're trying to say to meIs it 'Go back to your constituencyAnd prepare for victory'?No-one's listening and they never willYou're so delusionalFor we cannot love youBut still you twitter onAnd when no hope is left insideThose starry starry eyesYou'll ditch your principles as liberals often doBut I could have told you SwinsonThis world was never meant for one as untruthful as you

10.

f*ck off Scotland, off you f*ckOff you f*ckYou whinging JocksWe've had enoughof your socialist paradiseEngerlund is twice as niceSo f*ck off ScotlandOff you f*ckf*ck off Scotland, off you f*ck Off you f*ck Your Mickey Mouse court was the last strawThe last strawWith our love light shining You just kept on whining So f*ck off Scotland, off you f*ckOh remember when we said, 'Scotland we love you'We're better togetherWell now we don't like the things that you doSo f*ck off Scotland, off you f*ckAnd take your Jimmy Shand records with youGood luckAnd your blessed Stornoway black puddingWashed down with bagpipe effluent So f*ck off Scotland, off you f*ck Have you forgotten how dependent you are on our generosity How we've selflessly funded you uncomplainingly So f*ck off Scotland, off you f*ckOff you f*ckIf we want to ruin our countryThen we will, so toughIt's none of your businessHow we f*ck ourselves, so kiss thisAnd f*ck off Scotland, off you f*ck

11.

Right now, right now, right now it's time toKick out the bams, motherf*ckersLet's do it. You gotta beat the clock, you gotta beat the clock.This is not a Gove songA million Gove songs later...Gove in an elevator. Ballsing it up as we're going downThe Power Of Gove - is a curious thing. Made Boris weep, made Sarah Vine sing. Paints a lie to a litle red bus. Unappealing,Crazy little thing called GoveGove will tear us apart againWhat's Gove got to do, got to do with it? What's Gove, but a second hand demotion? Tainted GoveGove is in the airGove! Walk out the door! Don't turn around now, you're not welcome any more Might as well face it, you're addicted to GoveI'm Michael Gove - and I regret itBullet for Gove

12.

It's about time we had another national holiday Christmas, Easter and New Year are so passéThe 6th of April sounds good to me When Bernard of Kilwinning tried to set us freeHe wrote an independence oath The Declaration of Arbroath 2020 will be 700 years Since it was signed by Bernie and his peersSealed by the Abbot in the Abbey In Thirteen Hundred and TwentyNearly as old as the Sunday Post The Declaration of Arbroath It's in the form of a letter written in Latin51 magnates and nobles helped compose the thing Now listen honey, "It is in truth not for glory, nor riches norhonours, but for freedom that we're fighting for"Robert the Bruce had a hand in thisAt some point they even said that they would kissThe feet of the popeThe Declaration of Arbroath

13.

S.C.O.T.L.A.N.DMassive heart, wee countryReject the landlord, reject the lairdCelebrate John Logie BairdAnd Alexander Graham BellI could make a list like Billy JoelBut that would be just too cringeyCheap and easy and real stingeySo let us scotch those stereotypesTartan, shortbread and bagpipesWalter Scott monumental mythsAnd concentrate on the politicsWe legislate ahead of them allWe got the minimum price of alcoholOur policies are ahead of the packAnd we'll be the first to leave the Union JackNo SmackingNo FrackingNo Union JackingLay down and take itOr forcibly make it on our ownThe lion and the unicornJust Westminster soft p*rnThey want to pour their love on usThey say we're equal partnersThey weren't listening then, they're not listening nowHow long must we kow towWe don't want to smack, we don't wanna frackWe just want our dignity backSo you go ahead and snub your noseAnd strut in your emperor's new clothesWe're being dragged into a holeA laughing stock, a begging bowlIs what we're being reduced toCan we have some more? No thank youWe'll march until our feet are soreI cannot take this any more

14.

I fell down the stairs, cracked my ribs And try to be authentic and spontaneous. So, what I'm saying there is that I have, unfortunately, principlesLet's talk about Brexit, eh?I am Ro oh oh ryI'm in your back garden And messing up your roses eh?Let's talk about Brexit - YesLet's talk about Brexit - YesLet's pretend we're taking selfiesA weird thing to sayBritain is going to be stuck for 40 yearsTalk about the things that we actually care aboutPut the money back in your bank accountPut the money back in your bank accountI've negotiated in IraqI've negotiated in AfghanistanI'd love to debate BorisMano a manoLet's talk about Brexit, eh?I am Ro oh oh ryI'm in your back garden And messing up your roses eh?Let's talk about BrexitTalk about the detailed issues of BrexitYou have to get out of parliamentI'd love to debate BorisMano a mano

15.

Ah look at all the lonely peopleAh look at all the lonely peopleDoing it with it on a computerD'you know that it's called CADIt's in 3DThey can build houses Isn't technology marvellous, what do you sayEsther McVey?All the lonely peopleAt the Tory conferenceAngry, sleepy peopleWhat a bunch of c*ntsAndrea Leadsom, dies on her arseWhat a farce, no pizzazz or panacheLiz Truss - car crashLook at them working, trying to whipUp a crowd who don't want to be thereNobody caresAll the Tory peopleWhere do they all come from?They love a bit of gropingFrom Boris JohnsonAh look at all the lonely peopleAh look at all the lonely people

16.

(Turn around) every now and then I get a little bit anxiousAnd there's no-one else around(Turn around) every now and then I get a little bit tiredOf listening to you pounding the ground(Turn around) every now and then I get a little bit nervousThat I might be losing my way(Turn around) every now and then I get a little bit terrifiedAnd then I hear you neigh(Turn around, bright eyes) every now and then I go insane(Turn around, bright eyes) that is when I need to stroke your maneAnd I need to know what's rightShould we remain or leave foreverOh if only I was brightOh I wish that I was cleverLike the people you see on vox popsCan we just get on with it?Together we can take it to the end of the lineStop saying the will of the people all of the time (all of the time)I don't know what to do and I'm always in the darkWe're living in a powder keg and giving off sparksI really need you tonight..Just give me a sign tonightA hoof to the temple, alrightOnce upon a time I loved the EUThen my life was thrown off courseI now know what to do cos I wasKicked in the head by a horseOnce upon a time there was light in my lifeBut now there's only Nigel and BorisNothing I can sayKicked in the head by a horse

17.

R.E.S.P.E.C.TOh look, here's a giant poppyIn clown shoes, oh deary meHow disrespectful to the militaryP.O.P.P.I.E.SHow did we get in this messEverybody seems to be Doctoring their VTSo (sock it to me, sock it to me, Sock it to me, sock it to me) Meanwhile at the BBC (sock it to me, sock it to me) Whoa, beeb (just a little bit) A little respect (just a little bit) For our licence fee (just a little bit) You keep on trying (just a little bit) You're not fooling me (just a little bit) Are you guys lying? (just a little bit) (Re, re, re, re) placeOriginal footage (re, re, re, re) With archive (respect, just a little bit) You're havin' a laugh (just a little bit) At the cenotaph (just a little bit)We got to have (just a little bit) A little respect (just a little bit)

18.

If you're Andrew Bridgen and you have to defendJacob Rees Mogg and your other thick friendsYou are all of you fighting over one brain cellIf there is any justice, then you'll all burn in hellDon't you thinkDon't you feelCan't you tell what is realCan't you tell what is realWho educated you?Thick as mince and glaikit tooJames Cleverly, heavily vacant Every tory new policyIs constant apologyI swearTheir mummies all told them they're cleverThey were better togetherNow they're falling apartThey haven't a clue, or a brain, or a heartArses to arsesc*nts to c*ntsAn empty chair gives the best performanceDon't you thinkDon't you feelCan't you tell what is realCan't you tell what is realWho educated you?Thick as mince and glaikit tooJames Cleverly, heavily vacant Every tory - common sense freeApology, apologyI swearTheir mummies all told them they're clever

19.

Everybody's talking aboutThe government regiment, vehement managementEmbarrassment in ParliamentPostponement entanglementImpeachment excrementStick it up your fundamentAll we are saying is gie us some peaceAll we are saying is gie us some peaceC'monEverybody's talking about entitlementsJudgements, pigments, movementsArguments, documents on tenement tormentsAmendments, detachment, Back to your allotmentsAll we are saying is gie us some peaceAll we are saying is gie us some peaceLet me tell you nowEverybody's talking aboutImpediments, fragments, ailments, paymentsArmaments agreementsNo comments, varments in their elementAll we are saying is gie us some peaceAll we are saying is gie us some peaceEverybody's spoutingSentiments, embezzlement, enactments, testamentsCommitments, resentmentsStatements on employmentIncitement. annulmentsRetirement, denouementAll we are saying is gie us some peaceAll we are saying is gie us some peaceAll we are saying is gie us some peaceAll we are saying is gie us some peace

20.

Well I was going to Heathrow, after leaving my hotelGoing on my holidays to CubaIn the cab, there was a distinctive smellSomeone's had a lot of sex in this UberNow the cab driver he told me he'd had all sorts in the backActors, politicians, Alice CooperSo I asked him who the last one was as I was starting to gagHe said it was a vlogger, a YouTuberSomeone has had a lot of sexSomeone has had a lot of sexAnd what's worse they've put the evidence on the internetSomeone's had a lot of sex in this Uber(Far away) Far away, I must be far awaySo drop me off real quick, thank God I'm going far away (far away)I'll need a shower on the hour, cos I'm feeling pretty sourSomeone's had a lot of sex in this Uber